I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
