what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Dick very happy bro
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
