I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
