Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
