In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize