To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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