It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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