I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
