I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
