Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
