Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
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he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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