he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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