I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
