I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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