I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
