Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
