Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
