so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
