Pappa wants mamma naked
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
