11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
