I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Randomize
