college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP