pop tarts are not kleenex
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.