Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
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dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
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i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.