All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
