Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I didn't notice because vodka
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
