so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
