My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
