I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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