I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
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I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
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I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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