pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
