am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
