Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Text me some of your sweat
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.