Tell her she can't have a vagina
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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