i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
