I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Holy sore nipples Batman
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
