I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I take back everything I said about communal showers
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
