I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize