it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
