ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
