come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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