I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
