I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
