i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
