i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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