even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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