the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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