dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
