good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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