can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
