I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
