it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a search helicopter?!
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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