i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Best friends brother. Beat that.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
not ubering you a puppy
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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