omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
