Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
