I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
