Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
