i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize