Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
